I hope you are okay, and if you don't feel okay, that's okay too. I believe you will be one day.
There is an epidemic of depression among us, but I don't believe it is only within our generation. I have met and know older people who suffer from it. I won't excuse it then by reducing it to a "generational" issue. I feel that if you live with your mind and your heart, you will naturally feel the depression. You know you want more. You want to make a screwed up world a better place. You want to make a change, a difference. You told me you don't feel successful and I think you've created unrealistic definitions of "success" and "normal." Who told you what normal is? And at the end of the day, why does it matter when you are what you want to be. But in order to be what you want to be you have to get help to get rid of all that sadness that blocks you. You think you can't see beauty anymore. I think you can. Beauty is within you and even the ugly things we see, underneath there was once beauty. So just acknowledging them is significant. You see beauty when you create music, when you spend time with your family, when you smile at a stranger on the train, when you are touched by someone's voice, even if at the end of the song you are saddened.
You have to accept your shortcomings and inexperience. It's not your "flaws." There is nothing wrong with you or your soul. I know that you care, for I have seen it.
You've got friends who love you, let them love you. More importantly love yourself. If you don't feel successful, then take a piece of paper and write down your dreams, the things you absolutely must do before you die. I know you have dreams. There is nothing wrong with you but if you believe there is, then you've created that wrongness. I don't want to preach here. I just want you to live fully because i hate to see you sad. I hate to see a talented person feel so down that his talents don't get shared with the world. Share your love. Someone out there will be inspired, believe me.
I think creating music alone, creating beats and rhythm is making a difference. It's the little things that add up to something great and magnificent. You share it with a singer or a rapper and you don't even acknowledge what a gift you gave them, bringing more life into their words.
It's okay to be sad. I feel it within me everyday. But I don't want you drowning in it. It's really not worth it, for this life is too damn short. And age is just a number my friend. You have got so much more ahead it is silly to even dwell on two digits.
If you take nothing away from my ramblings at least take a minute to think about it. Think about the bigger picture and the things that really matter, like YOU.